and the winner is...

Not us. Yes, sad news - we didn't win any of the awards we were nominated for in the Phoenix Best Music Poll. We were narrowly beat out by "local" act Passion Pit. Yes, apparently they found time between playing at TT the Bear's Place and NOT selling out 1200 seat venues through the US and Europe (you know, if they did that, they would be a national act!) to get people in the Boston area to vote for them. So, alas, we came in SECOND in every category - and as Dave Duncan put it: "Always a bridesmaid.."

But, are we bitter? No. ...well yes. But it's okay, because we really do appreciate WFNX and the Phoenix nominating us, and Passion Pit are not only a great band, but they are super sweet guys as well, so we really can't complain too much. Just know - that we also appreciate ALL of you voting, the fact that we "swept" all our categories coming in SECOND to Passion Pit in EVERY one shows us that you all were doing your damnedest for us. And we love you for that.

Passion Pit, of course, IS a national act (and kicking ass selling out venues across the US and Europe), and while the classification is sort of boggling (like, BMA's type boggling - you know, the type the phoenix would chastise .) it is what it is, and whether this blog post belies this sentiment - we really don't want to come off as sore losers. We do appreciate everyone at WFNX, the Phoenix, Passion Pit, and all of you! As David Bazan once sang:

"Second best, oh second best
I can learn to live with this
Plus I really need a rest
After all what's wrong with second best?"

<3
Christopher "my tongue will never leave my cheek" Pappas

The power of one show

So last night's show at Pete's Candy kinda sucked.

I don't know really what the crowd thought of it, they were polite and attentive - they seemed to enjoy it...but personally, and as a band, we discussed, in the van after, how the show was completely lack-luster. Nothing in particular stood out as being glaringly bad about the show, however, nothing was really great about it either. Call it vibe, call it energy - something was just lacking - which among all the reason why that would frustrate me, the one that is head and shoulders above the rest is the fact that I KNOW we could've done better.

Pete's Candy Store is such a cool venue, and such a great place to play it irks me endlessly that it seems like it was a wasted opportunity, a swing and a miss if you will. Whereas we, the band, now have to take our seat on the bench, waiting for our turn to come up to bat again. To us, that is such a hard jagged pill to swallow, for we try so hard to make the most out of every situation - and to come up, short changing ourselves, is beyond frustrating.

More so, what about the people that came to see us last night for the first time? My mind then wanders to them - and this idea of first and lasting impressions. These people now go off into the world with this mediocre impression of us, this inaccurate idea that we have been and always will be that band that they saw; completely average, completely bland - when in truth, as the show was like that - we are not like that...we are better than that.

I don't know. Perhaps (it's a very good possibility) I am being to hard on myself. It is true that we, The Visuals, are tireless perfectionists. Yet, I can't escape the dread of knowing that we are never going to be able to play that show again - that at bat has happened, and it is going into the record books - it is being added to our batting average. Even though I know the expression "you can't win them all" very well, it still doesn't comfort those of us who WANT to win them all.

-C

Tour time.

The time before the tour is strange. Mostly because it isn't strange. I know that sounds cryptic, but the way I am saying it belies how simple it is - some people would be stressed out that they have to live in a van for weeks, stressed about what they need to bring, thinking about all the precautions they need to take...
Where as I haven't even packed yet - and I leave in mere hours. I just never 'feel' the tour coming; I woke up today, as I did every other day - and I find that very strange. With writing this blog, it has the potential to come off rather pretentious, and I don't mean to sound that way at all. I mean it very genuinely that this feeling of, well, no feeling, really baffles me. Though, when I really think about it, I have always been this way, since a little kid. Sort of. Let me explain:

I feel my childhood is split into two - and with that I feel like I carry those two sides with me into adulthood.
When I was very young, I was an immensely lonely child. I was the kid that would talk to himself on the playground, the one that would be happier with his nose in a book than making eye contact with someone. I was bullied constantly - the kids would pick on how quiet I was, or the clothes that I wore. My mother tells a story about how I was in first grade, she dressed me in these new corduroy pants, and that afternoon I came off the bus crying - some kids had been pushing me around and ripped them all the way up the seam. Suffice to say; I had very few friends, yet, the friends I had are still my friends to this day - so I can easily say, of the few friends I had - they were true blue.

I was a nervous kid, constantly scared of what was happening around me. I would hide in the bathroom at school until a teacher would have to come and pull me out. I would worry myself until I threw up about the most inane things.
Then at around fifth grade, something happened. I, for some reason or another, began to become popular. I can almost pinpoint the moment it changed. I can even remember the joke I told, that made one of the popular kids laugh - which then in turn made us friends. However, as that happened is when the disease started creeping into my life. I began to show symptoms of what would turn into a life long struggle. So it was then that I was forced to make a choice:
Would I hide in the bathroom like I did as a child, or would I accept myself for who I was and be damned with the rest?

And I chose the latter. I gave up trying to control everything, because, really, you can't. This disease was going to happen, no matter what I did (to an extent) so the only choice I had was to be okay with it, and myself. The kids were going to pick on me, sure, but something strange happened - I became more liked, and more popular. It seemed that when someone brought up the "weird patches on my skin" or "why I slouch" they would mimic how I would react. That is, if I brushed it off with an air of self confidence and indifference, then they did too. If I made a big deal out of it, they did too. I could control their reaction simply based on the way I felt about myself. It was at this moment that I decided to let go. Qué sera sera.

It has followed me to adult life - not without it's relapses. I worry a bunch, I stress out, I throw fits about things I can't control, but on the whole I find that for new adventures I am going to take, or new life experiences I will live through I just say "Well, here we go."

So perhaps I've already prepared for tour - I've prepared in the things that have happened in my life. It's those things, that some would consider hard times, that truly were the experiences that made me who I am, made me feel like worrying is futile - what will be will be.

So I am ready for you, open road. We will play some good shows, we will play some bad shows - but whatever happens, at least we did it. I hope you'll all be there to experience it with us.

Hmmm. I didn't set off to write such a mushy "chicken soup for the soul-ish" post, but there it is.
Oh well. Why worry about it?
(*Clicks Publish Post*)